Its been quite a while i have this thoughts lingering in my mind. The matter of life, live, birthday and death :) i know it sounds so deep but its actually no. Started from my birthday last year which i celebrate in the quite morning  sending praises and thanksgiving to the Loving Father for all the years i've been blessed with. As usual, people wishing us a long life when we are celebrating our birthday.  In doing so we most of the times forget to count the years, the life time we've got. We forgot to review the life time we've been blessed with and what we have done with it. Have we lived a life that we are proud of? have w
e lived a life enable us to be grateful, have we lived a life that blessing others in our life?

Everytime we celebrate our birthday, we wish for more years to come and we forgot all the struggles, the pain, the dreams of yesterdays. We wish for better tomorrows, we wish for wonderful days to come. I mean, how bout our yesteryears? how bout all those days that we've lived through? Have we lived to the fullest that when we look back at it on our next birthdays we could happily and gratefully bow down and sending our praises to the Live Giver for we have lived the life to the fullest. That we have live a life that so abundant in everything? That we have become a better person through each and every single day we've through?
That we have been a blessing to others and that we have experienced and lived the blessings of being alive?

Contrary to that, everytime we are looking into graveyard or visiting funeral, we are wishing that we wont have that fate soon. Death is something so scary that everybody wish to avoid it if they can. Death is something nobody excitingly waiting for. No! if we can choose death is something to avoid in all cost. We forget that death is a companion side to side with life.  Its there to remind us that we wont live forever. It stands right beside life to warn us that we can leave our life anytime without any warning. It warns us to live to the fullest, to the most abundant of life. To enjoy the blessing of waking up in the morning, to enjoy the sun that shine so brilliant, the stars that twinkle in the darkest night. To enjoy the time with our loved one as well as to enjoy the time in our solitude being grateful for whatever life allow us to have. Because anytime we might just gone to the other side. 

Anyway, this is just monologue during my birthday and the time when i celebrated the new year as well as when i visited the funeral of a relatives. Thats just it! we should live each and every day in a way that make it counted as we realize that our days are numbered :)

Live and let Live! 

Medan, March 30'13

These last few days i've had this constant thinking of why this, why that. If only this if only that in which all ended the same way i realize those are all in the past and i can either live to regret it living the whats if or i move on toward a better me using those mistakes i've made along the way.

So i call it walking down the memory lane. But no, i didnt pick only the nice and sweet memories. Mostly i choose the rough, hard path i've taken and how it shape me to be who and what i am today. To other people we can always lie, smile and happy go lucky attitude covers all those cries of despair inside. And i for one never seems to be bothered with all the scars and wounds i've gained through my journey. Not true :) i cried, got really sad and broken hearted. But instead of denying it, i let myself having the luxury of taking time to be oh so blue :P  and by doing so, i can forgive and move on.

Letting Go

Lately I have been thinking to myself. what actually letting go mean to me. In term of my relationship with the one I love? Because i am questioning myself with letting go and not fighting for.  If I love him, I should fight for the one I love. right?? yes!! that’s a big YES for that. Can't let go without fighting for it. Without even trying!! that’s will make me a coward. That will be a justification for what I am not doing. And i am not a coward.

So I found my justification  and that is I've Fight for the one I love but if I cannot have him for myself, i will have to let him go. Letting go now means that I am free to remember all the sweet memories, that I am free to wish him happiness and joy & Love of his life. Letting go mean that i can freely love him from a distance without ever thinking of having back on my life, to share my days and night. letting go mean i can keep all those good memories and love him in the best way by letting him have the best that he deserve to have.

Letting go mean that if he chooses someone else it does not mean that I am not good enough for him or he is too bad for me. It just that we have a different path and we can't not put them together. So we take our own way to reach our ultimate happiness and joy of life.

To love you more...to Let you Free
Medan, April 01,2009

• To Love for Love itself

  I grew up as the second child in my family.Born after my beautiful n smart sister who has all the gift as being the frist born it was not a strange thing if i then run after my sis in all the aspects of our life. But that didnt happen to me Why? simply because i am living in a household where my parents and grandparents love me for being me. yeap thats really cool!! i dont have to be the number one in everything or have to be better than anyone else. I just need to be the kind i am, and i am loved!!
  
  Why am i bragging about this?? because lately i have been asking myself all over about the reason why we have to stand up for others. I found it weird that people have the symphaty for those in Lebanon because they are Muslims. So am i not allowed to help them? am i not allowed to show them my symphaty just because i am not a muslim?? thats strange!!! OK!! thats not all of it. but thats a very simple yet clear way to show it. But there are many other things and many other times when we do something because of a reason because of this and that.
  
  So, my question is simple can we not do anything without expecting this and that in return? Can we not do anything simply because we want to do it? not because we have to do it, not because we know them. Not for any reason but we WANT TO.
  
  Can we not love someone, something for no reason. Not because they are near and dear. Not because they are kind to us, not because we need it but simply out of love itself? that we want to take it into our heart, that we love it for no reason but the loving heart that has been granted in each of us??
  
  Medan, January 10, 2009 
  Sylvia Sipayung
  to Love...to Act
  
   
  

• Year of Grace and Mercy !!

  Everytime i celebrate new year's eve i remember this verse Jeremiah 29:11
  This started in 1998. When the monetery crisis starts in Indonesia.At that time i was working in Sincom Panasonic in Batam as an operator. Life seems to be so scary. Everything seems to get real tough. There's no hope for a better day at that time:)
  
  
  Then at 31st of December 1997, i attended the mass in my church GKPS in Batam. The sermon was taken from this verse and what make it so special is the summary given by the preacher.  He ended the sermon with " I Know that this new coming year is a year full of challenges, hardships and struggles. But i know for me this year will be a year of Grace and Mercy. a year of abundance Love & Joy!! a year of Blessings!! because i know that i have a God who have my life on His hand and He  plans my days the way i can not understand And He plans with His love that endure forever. His steadfast love never fails and all that He plans for me is the very best!!"  It ease my worries and fear and i see the new dawn of new year 1998 with a renewed hope and strenght. and yes that year i got my promotion from operator to Senior operator. God plans the very best of all for those who surrender to Him.
  
  
  And every new year's eve i recall to this verse and especially at the new year's eve of 2009. Seems like this verse again stand tall for me to strengthen me. Renew my hope. Tho life seems so cruel and everything seems to go wrong. I know that God only let anything happen in my life for the better me. I know i can believe and surrender to the plans He has for me. I know i can believe in my God the Lord of all my years. The Lord of my life. My Lord, my Redemer, my Protector & Provider. I know and believe that if i follow His plans, doesnt matter what stumbles on my way. I know the final result is the Very Best of God's plan and thats the VERY BEST of all. Because as what He declares on that verse His plan is to prosper me and not to harm. His plan is to give me hope and a future. and that future in this yeaar is the future of Grace and Mercy.
  
  
  Praise be to God for the year of Grace and Mercy. For the year of Blessings!! a year of Love, Peace and Joy.
  
  
  Medan, To any new day of new year
  Hope...Faith and Love
  Sylvia Sipayung

My Worst enemy, My Greatest Love

I am pretty sure that we all have once or twice go face to face with our mother and have a day we will remember for life. Its either the the way she rules our life, or the way she choose what she thinks right for us or how she command how we should live our life :)

I've had that day with my mother and until today i can remember it clearly as if i am actually living it the moment. But that's not the only one that i remember about my relationship with my mother. There are a lot more times, a lot more places, a lot more reasons and a lot more excuses to start a day with her. She is just like that. The biggest enemy as she command everything and everyone as she likes (that's how i felt that time when i was growing up and experience puberty hormones). Then when i pass that puberty hormones, there she was again being my biggest enemy as she always seems to know what best and that i have to follow suit :)

Through all that stages, we mostly remember the bad hair day we had with our mother. And many times it cloud over the great things she did like waking up late at night just to get me a drink cos i was sick. And while i am sleeping she had to hold on into something to keep herself awake through the night. Just in-case i woke up and ask for drink or just had a nightmare. Now that i am getting mature :) and see it with a better point of view, with a broaden understanding, i see the wisdom my mother taught me. Through all the days bad and worse she still support me. It doesn't really matter to her how i mess my life or how good i am, she simply loves and support me, to be what the happy me. To see me living my life in joy is her utmost joy and that's a mother's beauty.

Medan, February 01, 2012
Copyright©Sylvia Sipayung 

A GLASS OF SWEET MEMORIES

It’s easier to go on
Accepting that it’s all gone
After all that said and done
I have to go on

There are so many memories for me to cherish
Why wasting life in bitterness
Tomorrow the sun will again rise
Pick your glass up and let’s say... cheers

We have had so much time
We have shared so many dreams
In our garden of love we have had the time of our own

When the moon shine over the blue lagoon

Copyright©Sylvia Sipayung